I will always be there
by Its-Rizzles-Bitch
Summary: A revelation helps Jane and Maura make up after 3x01, I suck at Summaries, give it a chance and tell me what you think Rizzles and Trigger Warning on inside
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note - This is my first Rizzoli and Isles fanfiction so be nice, Reviews are gold to me constructive critiscim is a wonderful thing, Completly unbetaed and I hate grammar so yea **

**TW - THIS FAN FICTION DEALS WITH CUTTING (SELF HARM) AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS **

**Disclairmer: I own nothing - TNT, Janet Tamaro and Tess Gerritsen do and I never plan on getting any money from anything I writ, I just do it for fun but lets get on with the story!**

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Maura's POV

Maura wasn't quite sure when this habit had started, maybe it was in high school or maybe it was when she had begun boarding school. She knew she had been doing this for a long time, those brief moments of respite when the blade cut into her skin the blood flowing smoothly out of the cut on her thigh, she hadn't cut herself for a long time, not since she had become friends with Jane. Oh god Jane what would she think if she saw me like this, sobbing curled up in a ball, watching blood flow out of my body, but then I remember that she wouldn't care not anymore not since I had chosen to protect my mob boss of a father. I pushed her away in anger and now I know she could never come back, not since I relapsed back to cutting. Somehow I finally manage to cover my cuts up and crawl into bed as I continue to cry until I finally fall asleep exhausted.

The Next Day I had just walked into my office, I was a bit late coming in today as it had taken me longer than normal to do make up, apparently crying yourself to sleep means it takes 10 times longer to do your makeup in the morning. I feel Jane walk up behind me, for some reason I stiffen up ready to lash my tail at her, It was a natural reflex to push at someone away when you are hurting, "Your back" Jane states hesitantly yet, for some reason the first thing at of my mouth was '"did you ever return my book soothing paint choices for the home?" I haven't turned around yet but I can feel Jane's confusion in the air, but she shoots back ''Yea a long time ago''. I suddenly don't want to be in the conversation but I can't leave it without feeling weak "So your back,'' she tries again, but I still can't answer her ''thats odd cos I can't find it'', I can feel Jane's confusion and slight anger at not being able to get a straight answer from me. There is a long pause before Jane speaks again ' Did you ever return my guns of the world digest?' I let anger slip into my voice ' I always return things I borrow', I straighten up but still don't turn around ''Are you sure?" I hear a rise in Jane's voice indicating that it is meant as an innocent question, I give up on being civil even though fighting with Jane is horrible at least it is keeping her attention on me "Of course I'm sure, I always return things I borrow, may be you lost it, you do lose things". I let out a sigh as I notice my chair, "has Dr Pike been sitting in my chair?" I exclaim, Jane also gives up on being civil and lets out her bitchy side, I hate this side of her especially knowing I brought it on "Could be, why is it broken? Do you want me to find out if he's been sleeping in your bed,?" Sarcasm bites every word, Pike walks in having heard his name "Were you looking for me?" Pike asks, god that man annoys me. I start to reply but Jane beats me to it "What about your food, Dr Pike have you been eating Maura porridge?" I completely give up now "Glad to know you think you are so funny" "well it would be better to be funny than be poindexter the know it all!" Me and Jane insult each other back and forward "well I would rather be poindexter the know it all than the hoi polloi" Its a low blow insulting Jane in greek,"good one Maura" Jane sneers. I feel somewhat triumph that Jane doesn't know what it means, "You don't even know what it means" Pike interrupts again, I had completely forgotten he was there, "It means common, literal translation 'The great unwashed', "Classy hide your insults in Latin".

I can tell I have really annoyed Jane now but I can't help myself, "Its greek" I say condescendingly. If there is one thing Jane hates it when people are condescending to her "Oh the geek who knows greek, Do you know how ridiculous you sound?, You know people laugh at you behind your back," "really well they call you a bitch behind yours" I hear Pike talking but I am so focused on, well, not crying that I don't pay any attention Jane pauses, "Well at least when my Father gets pissed off her doesn't stab someone with an ice pick," That touched a nerve and I nearly burst into tears, I never want to see him again let alone call him my father it's all, I can do to muster a comeback. "At least my father didn't move to Florida to sleep with some floozy he meet at a pizza parlor", "Maura" Jane says warningly but I can't help myself, "Or was it a massage parlor?" "Oh look at you going all trailer trash Snooki", " I watched that show once" I yell back "once, it was for…" I don't get interrupted my the Lieutenant "break it up ladies, whats going on".

I can't help myself and look at Jane before running out of the room, I manage to get to the bathrooms before I sink to the ground and search inside my handbag for the razor blade that I keep in there for when I need to cut at work, this seemed to be a pretty good time, I mean I had ripped down Jane, so why shouldn't I rip my own skin down, I cut a deep cut in my arm deeper than I have ever cut before and I watch the blood pool out of my arm as my right hand subconsciously moved around in the blood, slowly the world goes dark around me and I feel content.


	2. Chapter 2

Jane's POV

After Maura ran out on us after we had a massive fight, I was torn from following her or from not, I mean I had just called her a bitch but Maura never showed her emotions. I spare a glance at Cavanaugh and he just says "don't lose her" and I run past Pike and down the hall that I watched Maura go down. I poke my head into the interrogation rooms as I don't know where she went, and then I look in the bones room, next I look in the bathroom and then I see her lying unconsciously on the bathroom floor with blood spilling out of her arm, I run over to her as I rip my top leaving me only in my bra, I wrap my top tightly around Maura's arm, as I asses the rest of her body. Her skirt has ridden up and I see hundreds of cuts adorning her body most old and healed but some still new and raw that must have been done in the last few days, And then I see it her right hand is sitting in a pool of blood half way through writing something out, I see wonky letters, and J N E, I realize quickly that she means 'Sorry Jane' and tears spring to my eyes as I realize that I was the one who caused her to do this who caused her to cut herself and attempt suicide,at that tears start streaming down my face at a rate I have never seen before, even when Frankie had been shot.

I pick Maura up in my arms, she is surprisingly light she mustn't have eaten in days, I hold her close to my body and sprint down the hall towards the morgue keeping my hand on her faint pulse, I reach the Morgue and start yelling, "Ambulance, Please someone call the ambulance," Susie runs out and takes one look at the unconscious Maura and rings 911, I keep hold of my clutch of Maura and my tears don't ease up, not even when Frost and Frankie come down, at one point Susie tried to take her out of my hands but I just pulled her closer and inhaled her sweet scent.

The medics arrive what seem like hours later but it must have only been minutes, only then do I let someone else take Maur but I beg them to let me come with them in the Ambulance and after I showed them my badge they relent and let my on, I don't let go of Maura's hand the entire time. Every time my tears start to stop, I think about the message Maura left for me and start sobbing again.

When we reach the hospital they whisk Maura off to surgery, I sit in the waiting room rubbing my scars and then I stand up and pace for a bit and repeat, Frost, Frankie and Korsak all come in and sit silently in the waiting room.

_** 3 hours later **_

The doctor came in 3 remarkably long hours later and said that it had been touch and go through parts of the surgery to replace her blood and stop her vital organs from shutting down, but she had been ok and would make it through, I breath a sigh of relief, "when can we go see her?" I ask. "Well you can go in now" said the doctor, "however you might want something else to wear", I completely forgot that all I was wearing was Frankie's jacket and my bra, but I don't want to leave Maur any longer, I cast a pleading glance at Frankie and he nods, telling me through his eyes that he will go home and get me a change of clothes and come back later. I am so grateful for Frankie, I turn back to the Doctor and follow him silently through the halls till we reach Maura's private room. He lets me in and when I enter I gasp involuntarily, Maura has a bandage wrapped tightly around her hand, she has a breathing tube and an IV tube in her arm I turn back to the Doctor wondering why there was a tube in her mouth, "She hasn't eaten in at least a week, her organ were shutting down" A week, that means she hasn't eating since the warehouse, but that was such a long time ago I don't know how she lasted since then, I rush over to her right side and bend my head over her hand in a quiet prayer,

I must have stayed that way for hours thinking over everything as the sun starts to rise Frankie came back. I have done a lot of thinking over night but I decided one thing, I change into my change of clothes and when a Nurse came in to check her vitals. I ask her how much longer she was going to be like this, Maura hadn't moved all night and the Nurse said it would be at least 7 hours, Just enough time for me to do what I need to do, I quickly tell Frankie what I needed to do and he promised to stay here till I got back.

_** A few hours later **_

A few hours later I get back to the ward where Frankie is still keeping watch, while I was gone I went and got a tattoo on my wrist, I decided I wanted to do this about part way through the night that I wanted to get a tattoo on my wrist with 莫拉 written on it, 莫拉 is Maura in Chinese and I want her to always be with me even when we are apart. I can completely understand if she pushes me away and never wants to see me again and if she does then she and no one else will know what my tattoo means but I will and it will always mean a lot to me. I thank Frankie and go back to my vigil beside Maura's bed, I hold her limp hand with one of mine and use my other hand to sweep back the curls that have slipped onto her face, My tears come back and I sit silently sobbing running my hand back and forward through her hair while holding onto her uninjured hand, I hear a Doctor come in and check her I stay silent until her says something that suddenly grabs my interest, "we can bring her out of her coma now and she will be awake any time in the next hour" I nod before I realize what that meant, I had less than an hour before Maura wakes and I apologize for everything for not being there when she needed me the most, Oh god what if she wakes up and wants me out of here straight away, my breathing speeds up and tears keep coming until I nearly faint, I don't know how long I am like that but all of a sudden I feel Maura moving and waking up "Maura, Maur, pl-please wake up" "Ja, Jane" I hear a raspy voice say, My head shoot up and I look at her eyes flickering.


	3. Chapter 3

Maura's POV

As I start to feel conscious all I could see was black, but I could feel a needle sticking into my arm. I could hear someone saying my name, a familiar voice, but the last one I expected to hear, It sounded like Jane but Jane couldn't be here, wouldn't be here, she hated me, But yet it sounded like here. I open my mouth to say something but I must have been out for a long time as no words could come out just raspy sounds "Ja, Jane". I start to open my eyes, "Sh,sh darling its ok Shhh", I hear Jane's voice calming me down, but why is she here? I try to think back to what happened last… I remember I was yelling at Jane calling her a bitch but then what it slowly starts coming back to me, Cavanaugh breaking up out fight, me running off, and then I ran to one of the bathrooms and cut myself. I must have blacked out, but that doesn't explain why Jane is here clutching my good hand and her other hand on my head smoothing back curls. I slowly try to open my eyes again but Jane stops me with a kiss to my forehead, it feels so good to be back with her like this, not that I know why she is here, but at the moment I try not to worry about that "Jane, I'm Sorry," I manage to whisper stopping my struggle as I lean into her mini hug, slowly opening my eyes "Sorry for what?" Jane whispers back wrapping her arms around me "Sorry that I made you so miserable you resorted to cutting and starving?" She says sarcastically, I grimace "sorry I punished you for doing your job, for calling you a bitch, for pushing you away, for, for choosing Paddy over you" I stutter through the last one as tears fill my eyes and overflow down my cheeks. Jane presses her lips to my tears and rocks me slowly, when she looked up she has even more tears streaming down her face than me, I pull her tighter with my one good arm and we sit like that sobbing in each others embrace, "Jane why are you here?" I ask pulling myself out of her embrace and taking a good look at myself, she looks like she hasn't slept or ate in a long time, she for some reason is hiding her other hand but I don't focus on that for too long "I am here because I have been horrible to you and you don't deserve that, I shot your father to protect a guy I only slept with once, I was rude to you, I called you a bitch and and I caused you to do this" Her head drops and her shoulders start shaking, I know she is sobbing so I bring my good arm over and pull her over the bar and onto my chest, slowly stroking her hair and silently thinking.

I pull her head up carefully tying not to over exert myself as I can already feel myself getting tired again, I lean over to her face and kiss at each of her tear-stained cheeks, I smooth back her unruly dark curls so I can see her face clearly "you were the one who saved me, who stopped me cutting when I first met you and the one who" I stop my self and focus again on Jane's dark eyes "you are the one who gave me friends when I had none, gave me family when I have none and gave me support when everyone else had left me" I grab her hand with my only able hand as I start to feel my eyes shut, "lie with me". I ask and the last thing I remember was Jane putting down the bar and hopping onto the bed with me, laying her chin on my head as I lay my head on her chest and let her heartbeat wash with me to sleep.

Jane's POV in Nightmare

_I am being pinned to the chair with Hoyt taunting me with a scalpel and then Doyle appears and walks over to me "don't you ever fuck with my daughter again" he hisses as he punches me in the nose. I hear Hoyt laughing in the background and I try to yell out for Maura, "oh she won't be any help now Detective" says Doyle, and he makes a hand gesture from the shadows I see Maura walk out, dressed all in black. She walks over to me and slaps me and then spits in my face "you never cared for me" she sneers "you just wanted my money" she slaps me again and laughs as she walks over to Doyle and gives him a kiss on the cheek " hello daddy" she turns back and smirks at me as she raises a gun._

Maura's POV

I awake to Jane moving around and moaning in her sleep. I immediately recognize it as one of her nightmares and gently shake her awake while whispering to her, "it's ok darling breathe" she wakes up with a gasp and sits up bolt right, I give her a few seconds before I place my right hand on her arm, I feel her jump but then relax under my touch once she realized who I was, I pull her back down to the bed and slowly turn my head to look at Jane. She is shaking all over and sweating, this is one of her worse nightmares so I pull her into a hug before I bring up the nightmare, "do you feel like telling me Jane?" I ask softly, she takes a shaky breath before replying "Hoyt and Doyle". I tense involuntarily at his name but squeeze Janes arm to encourage her to tell me "they were taunting me and then, and then you showed up, you, you were hitting me and laughing and then you raised a gun at me, that's when I, I woke up" she stutters, " I would never do that, I will always love you" I whisper as I pull her in for a hug

Pōkarekare ana

ngā wai o Waiapu,

Whiti atu koe hine

marino ana e.

E hine e

hoki mai ra.

Ka mate ahau

I te aroha e.

Tuhituhi taku reta

tuku atu taku rīngi,

Kia kite tō iwi

raru raru ana e.

Whati whati taku pene

ka pau aku pepa,

Ko taku aroha

mau tonu ana e.

E kore te aroha

e maroke i te rā,

Mākūkū tonu i

aku roimata e.

**AN: Sorry, for that huge long wait, RL was a bitch and I had exams, **

**The song at the end is an old Maori Waiata called Pokarekare ana, watch?v=9GXua6gD4Hc here is the link **

**and here is the english translation **

**They are agitated  
the waters of Waiapu,  
****But when you**** cross over girl  
they will be calm.**

**_Oh girl  
return _****_to me_****_,  
I could die  
of love _****_for you_****_._**

**I have written my letter  
I have sent my ring,  
so that your people can see  
****that I am**** troubled.**

**My pen is shattered,  
I have no more paper  
****But**** my love  
is still steadfast.**

**My**** love will never  
be dried by the sun,  
It will be forever moistened  
by my tears.**


	4. Chapter 4

Jane's POV

I feel my hand intertwined in someone's hair someones hand around me and the incessant beeping, I open my eyes and take a look around taking in the hospital room and then Maura in my arms, her head on my chest and her good arm wrapped around me, if anyone saw us they would probably think we were a couple, best friends don't sleep like this right but yet here we are after not talking to each other for a week now embraced like our life depended on, I feel Maura starting to shift around so I loosen my grip and place a kiss on her head "hey darling" I say quietly as she opened her eyes "hey" she says back as she snuggled her head down and gives me a hug. I smile and hug her back but then we are interrupted by the doctor coming in. Maura pulls back to look at her doctor "Hello Dr Isles, It is nice to see you awake, I have been your doctor while you have been here" he says, I like him he has been nice to me and has kept me informed about Maura condition. "You should be able to go home today as long as someone is there to look after you" at that he looks at me " but I look at Maura. Once I would have agreed to being her helper without a second thought, but things were not as they once were, Maura nods and smiles at me, I give her a small smile back, "looks like I am her help" I say relived I thought for a brief second that maybe she wouldn't want me. Her doctor stays for a bit, finally taking out her breathing tube and IV leaving her free of tubes. Once he leaves Maura finally wraps both her arms around met and lays her head on my chest. I give her a hug back but pull her away, "Hey Maur, I am going to go see your Mother quickly and tell her that you are ok" I say quietly "Oh shoot, I haven't even thought of her" She moves as if to stand up but I softly hold her down "No its ok I will go see her, ok just relax" I say hoping off the bed, I smile "I'll be back soon ok" and left her room and headed towards Constance's room.

When I got to Constance's room, Constance was sitting up reading a book. She looked a lot better and was being released tomorrow, "Hello Jane" she says smiling, they had been much nicer to each since Jane had yelled at her "Constance, How are you feeling?" I greeted her warmly "better, but may I ask, where is Maura" I sigh and sit down beside her bed "Maura and I as you know had a fight about Doyle and it got really bad" I pause and Constance looks at me "we had a really big fight and she ran off, luckily I chased after her but by the time she,she had cut herself and was unconscious, and and its all my fault, if I hadn't been so horrible to her she wouldn't be in here instead," somewhere while I was talking I had started crying and tears were streaming down my face "Jane, She loves you, the way she looks at you with utter adoration is a way I wish she looked at me with , they way you protect her, the way you would take a bullet for her. You love her don't you" Constance says revealing my own thoughts, I love her so much, her dimpled smile, the way her hair falls, I even love her fun facts, "yes I do love her but she would never love me back she is only talking to me because I was there when she woke up, she was distraught and I think at that time she would have clung to anybody who was there it just so happens that I was the one there." "no it wasn't, it's because I wanted you there and I didn't want anybody else to be there but you" I suck in a breath and spin around Maura was there "why are you out of bed?" I ask "Jane….Why would you think that I wouldn't want you to be there?" "Because you hate me" I say sinking to the floor in tears, "sweetheart" Maura says coming and sitting next to me "what is that on your wrists" I gasp and grab my wrist, I hadn't meant for Maura to see the tattoo yet or ever "um, um well um" I stutter "Jane, is it a tattoo?" I bite my lip, Maura grabbed my hand and pulled it closer to have a look. I look up at Maura scared about what she would say, I know she would have been able to recognize the characters immediately, "this is my name isn't it?" I look up at Maura as she traced my tattoo, it still hurt slightly but nothing too bad, nothing compared to the turmoil in my brain, I wanted to say yes that the tattoo was for her because I was nothing without her, but how would she take it I mean 2 days ago we weren't talking and now I have a tattoo of her name. I take a deep breath I know what I need to say "Yea…"


	5. Chapter 5

Maura's POV

"Yes…." Why would Jane try to hide her tattoo from me? Jane took a deep breath and all of her words rush out at once "I got this tattoo while you were still unconscious, even though I didn't know if you wanted to be friends with me, but then even when you said yes, I didn't want to show you because I was scared and…..I didn-" I can't take any more and I lean forward on impulse and kiss her. I feel Jane stiffen under my lips and I realize what I have done. I gasp and pull away. Jane looks up at me and I can see the fear in her eyes "Jane…I am sorry… I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what came over me,"  
"Maur…" Jane whispered but before she could interrupt my mum interrupted her " Jane..the truth" I look up at her confused Jane smiles softly and leans in to kiss my mouth, "Maura…. I love your dimples, I love your fun facts, how proud you are when you make a joke, how you could tell me every type of cheese ever made, how you don't mind watching the red sox with me, how you keep my beer at your house just for me, I, I, I love you Maura Dorthea Isles. She loves me, Jane loves me, Jane Rizzoli the Badass cop with a soft side she only shows me, "I love you more than the stars above Jane Clementine Rizzoli" I realize that I am crying and as is Jane I lean forward and kiss her on the forehead, and we sit on the ground crying and holding each other, both kissing each other softly.

After watching patiently Mother finally interrupts us "Girls you should move off the ground and to a more…sanitary place" I had completely forgotten she was there, but I immediately jump up at her voice and stand up bringing Jane with me, "Mother if it is ok with you, I think we should be heading back to my room now, however Angela will be in tomorrow to make sure you get back to my house ok, you will be staying in the guest room if that's ok with you"  
"of course darling I will see you when you get home, Jane take care of her" Jane nodded and we leave back to my room.

- 3 hours later -

"Right Dr Isles, if you just sign here you are free to go,"  
"Wonderful" I say I am happy to go home, but scared, Jane and I will need to talk and that is not something I am looking forward to…. after all you can't just not talk for a week and then confess that you love each other without at least one talk. I am worried to say the least, but curious, I have so many questions to ask I don't even know where to start. Jane interrupted my thoughts "hey sweetie, you ready?" I can see the fear in her eyes she is just as scared as me for this talk, but we must talk, we can't just live on half-truths, keeping things from each other and never addressing the real problem, yea…I think we need to talk. Jane grabs my elbow and gently leads me out of the room and towards the car in silence, It was like….like she was afraid to talk to me, afraid to say anything in fear of me shutting down and going back to that dark place, the dark place that I NOT Jane, I put myself in, but I can never explain that to Jane, but now I know I can never go back to that place and now, now I know Jane will always be there for me no matter what. I look up and realize we are nearly home. At some point during the ride home Jane had grabbed her hand and was now holding it lightly but comfortably in her hand, my wrists are still bandaged and sore, apparently I cut very deep when I, when I cut my self. All of a sudden everything caught up too me and caught me off guard, I start sobbing in the passenger's seat and bring my legs up in front of my face. I don't want Jane seeing me like this, the logical part of my brain tells me that it is fruitless to hide in a car but I block that out taking comfort in the old child's rule in if I can't see them they can't see me, stupid but I try not to think of that.

The car stops at what I am presume is my house, So far Jane hasn't said anything only placed a hand on my back and continued driving, but suddenly the calming hand on my back leaves and I hear Jane get out of the car but I can't make my move, all of a sudden the door beside me opens and Jane slips her hands underneath mine and picks me up even though I stiffen still in the fetal position and carries me inside, still in the fetal position and sits on the couch with me still in her arms, and rocks me in her arms as I crumble and continue sobbing, Jane silently keeps her self wrapped around me letting me cry myself out. The last thing I hear is Jane saying she loves me as I fall asleep in the arms of my best friend.

**Opps, this chapter took ages to write well kinda I am writing so I have just finished the next chapter so I posted this one and I was so stuck for ideas on this one, but I just finished a long chapter for next so expect a rather long chapter next! I hope you enjoy and review and tell me how I can make it better! **

**Gunner4life if you read this I hope I can answer some questions in the next chapter for you and if anyone is wondering how I will deal with the self harm problem, I will get inside the head of Maura a bit more, but that will slowly not be as important, but I still have plenty more angst/hurt and comfort lined up for you! But after the next chapter we have a little bit of fluff with Angela and Constance, Maura never wants to talk about Paddy again so he is history a bit like what they did in the show and then I will bring us some more angst. **

**Love you all xx **


	6. Chapter 6

Jane's POV

I awake to a sore neck and dead arms, for a few seconds I am disoriented before realizing I was Maura's couch, a common occurrence but what was weird was that Maura was snuggled up against my chest almost in a fetal position. I quickly remember Maura breaking down on the way back from the hospital. I could tell at first she had something on her mind but it took me by surprise when she burst into tears, even more so that fact she turned away from me as if she was trying to hide from me, I could tell she didn't want to be interrupted and had let her cry quietly but left my hand on her back as a way I saying I was here for here.

When we got home she had made no move to stand and get out so I quickly went around to the passenger side and lifted her up bridal style to take her into the house, as soon as I sat down Maur had started sobbing. I let her sob as I rubbed her back and whispered soothing words to her as I had let her self cry to sleep, there was going to be plenty of time to talk today, last night was for Maura to let herself go.

As there is no way for me to move I am simply content to sit here and watching Maura sleep, I look at her face still slightly sunken in, I have so many questions, is she wanting to kill herself or what, did I cause her to do this. So many questions were swirling around my head I don't even notice that Maura has woken up and is looking at me curiously "what are you thinking about?" She asks inquisitively I jump startled "umm well you, me everything I guess..." I trail off " why don't we talk about it, we are going to need to talk about it so why don't we just eat the bullet?" She says and I giggle slightly "what" she say in a very whiney un Maura like voice, "first its bite the bullet and second why don't I go get us something to eat and then we can talk about the elephant in the room" Maura looked confused "what elephant" she says looking around I smirk softly "the elephant in the room is an idiom, it means to try and ignore something that can't be ignored"

"Oh that makes sense then" she says softly but makes no move to stand up, " umm Maura, I'm gonna need you to stand up so I can get us something to eat" Maura looked disappointed but moved off my lap slowly, I kiss her on top of her head and stand up to get us something to eat. "Hey Maur, is peanut butter and fluff sandwiches ok?"

"Ohh yes please," she says excitedly and I laugh how is it that this woman who has eaten all over the world can be so excited for a simple sandwich, we fall into a slightly stiff silence as I make the sandwiches, the joking had cleared some of the tension in the room but the air is still full of it.

When I finish making the sandwiches I bring them over to Maura and sit on the couch "right" I say when I am comfortable, "I promise to answer every question truthfully if you do?" I want to make sure that I get all truthful answers from Maura, because even if she can't lie I can't risk her bending the truth "deal so I guess we better" she pauses for a minute "bite the bullet" I smile at her use of the phrase and she gestures to me to start "first, are you suicidal?" I say jumping in feet first, Maura looked slightly shocked and pauses for a minute "no...No I am not suicidal" she says uncertainly at first but then stronger and more certain, "I am not suicidal, no instead I cut to feel more human, to feel all the emotions that I never seemed able to make on my own." She stops and I see that she is done for now. "Ok your turn" I say and wait for what ever Maura has in store for me, She pauses for a minute.

"Do you hate me?" Well that's an easy question, but I can see the insecurities on her face. I smile softly, "No I would never ever hate you, never ever, not today, not tomorrow, not ever" I give her a slight kiss on her lips and put my empty plate and Maura's mainly full plate, the doctor did say she wouldn't have an appetite onto the coffee table Maura spins around and put her legs up beside mine so we are sitting on opposite sides with our legs in front of us.

My question now "why did you initially stop cutting,?" She had said something about me but I didn't really pay much attention I was just kinda letting her talk, now I need to know. "I stopped…I stopped when I first met you, not the day in the Café but later when I really met you, your second case in Homicide, do you remember it?" Of course I remember it, I was so determined to impress Korsak I went down to the morgue for him after he complained about the weird Medical Examiner, little did I know that would set off a friendship that would change my life forever. I had found Maura was crying quietly in her office. A cup of tea later she had told me it was because some stupid detective had made an insensitive remark, ever since then I had seen Maura's 'human' side and had vowed to protect her naïvety.

"Yea, I do remember that case you were crying weren't you quietly so no one could here you in your office and I just barged in on you, you were so amazed by my lack of manners." I say laughing at the end, "but why did that stop anything"

"that" she took a deep sigh, " that was the first time someone had shown me compassion, before that every time someone had said some remark about me being the queen of the dead, I would cut myself, as punishment for not being able to connect or make people like me, after you promised to never let anyone hurt me, I promised I would never cut again while you were still protecting me".

Suddenly every thing falls into place, when she thought I had stopped protecting her she thought she had nothing to stop cutting herself, and when she argued with me she thought she was still that cold heartless person she thought herself to be before. "Oh Maura…." I say softly as I grab her hand. "is it my question now?" she says even softer, I nod "why did you protect Dean and not me?" I sigh I knew this would be coming but I still don't know how to answer it "When Doyle," we both involuntarily stiffen at his name, "when Doyle pointed the gun a Dean everything changed. My cop brain switched on and all sense left me, It was no longer Paddy Doyle, your sperm donor and the only person who could tell you who your mother is, He was just a danger to you and to Frost, Maura…. I am so sorry" I close my eyes, scared of Maura's reaction but all I feel is Maura's lips softly on my forehead briefly before they are gone, I open my eyes to see Maura crying softly, so I swing my legs round and lay my head on her lap as I reach up to her face to wipe off the tears Maura giggles ever so slightly and I raise and eyebrow, "So I guess its my turn now, ah well here's one the you can answer without hesitation, Why did they put you in to a medical Coma and why weren't you in a suicide ward?" Maura Smiled at me, "Because my Liver and other vital organs needed time to rest so they could get back up to normal function keeping me in a coma gave my brain a chance to get everything working again, and the reason I wasn't in the suicide ward was because of how I had placed my cuts, they were all placed in places that wouldn't go to deep, except for the last one so the medical professionals could see that I was punishing my body not trying to kill me, and once I had woken up they had asked if I would be ok on my own, I had promised them I would be ok on my own."

"Well that makes more sense" I say smiling, "your turn"

"Well then, this is my last one but its to me the most important," the way she says this worries me and I hold my breath "are you scared of me" I let out a hiss of air, oh god no she can't think that but… "Maura….No, I'm not scared how can you think that, maybe worried that I could hurt you like that again but never scared not of you, why did you think that?"

"because yesterday in the car you were stiff and tense and and like you were scared to say anything in fear of setting me of." At that she burst in to tears and torrent of tears start falling down her checks, "Baby….I will never ever be scared of you ok I promise you I will forever love you" I fall onto my knees and grab her hands "Maura Isles will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?" Maura gasped "Of course Jay always"

"Always" I agree.

**AN**

**I am going away for about a mouth with no wifi so I will try to have another chapter ready for you when I get back, But I hope everybody had a great Christmas and a wonderful New Year **

**xx**


	7. Chapter 7

AN I am away on holiday with limited WiFi, and my usual grammar checking website isn't working so ignore all grammar and I will check it once I am back home xx

Mauras POV

It was several hours later, Jane and I were cuddled up on the couch watching a documentary on a serial killer, Jane was intent on picking up tips and I was practicing my study of Microexpression but really I was just looking at Jane wondering how I got so lucky. Now that we had talked I felt much better after I had first kissed Jane I was too scared to get attached but now I knew that Jane wouldn't leave me I let my self actually love her.

Jane looked up at me from the documentary, "Shouldn't you be studying 'mini-expressions' or what ever" I giggle at Janes appalling attempt at the scientific terms "Microexpressions and no not really I was watching you, your micro expressions were rather enjoyable"

Jane smiled and leaned up to kiss me, and then jabbed me in the ribs "poindexter" I mock a gasp ad go in to tickle her, I know all of her ticklish spots including just above the ribs which always made her squirm, we were tickling each other and laughing, this was the most relaxed I had felt in a long time, once we had finished we just lay on the floor for a bit.

Suddenly Jane stands up and grabbed my good arm to pull me up as I pull up I bring my propel my self forward and kiss her I could tell that it was a surprise and it took Jane a few seconds to kiss back, I open my mouth to grant her access and just as I was letting my tongue enter her mouth I hear someone clearing their throat.

Jane and I jump apart and look towards the source of noise, Angela was standing there with a pot of soup in her hands and her mouth wide open "Ma…" Jane groans "what are you doing here"

"well I was coming by to see how you were, seeing you banned me from Maura's hospital room' well that would explain why I didn't see Angela for a while, "but it seems like you two are getting along pretty well," I look down a my feet and then back up at Jane wondering what she was going to say about us "Ma…Me and Maura are in love" Angela shut her mouth abruptly and her eyes turned to steel "No daughter of mine is a stupid disgustng dyke" at that Angela ran out.

It took me a few seconds to realize what had happened when I turn around to Jane I see her standing there shellshocked but the second I make eye contact with her her eyes fill up with tears "ma chérie, don't cry I'm sure she doesn't mean it, she loves you, please bébé, I promise she will come around" I try to insert some french in there as I know that speaking french calms her down, but all of a sudden she crumples and I dart forward to grab her before she hits the ground, we sink to the ground slowly, as I cradle Jane "ma chérie, je t'aime" she finally starts to respond to my touch and soft whispers "why would she say that?" Jane manages through her sobs, "I don't know bébé, I think its just a lot to process so suddenly, she is a staunch catholic as well, this is not the belief she has been brought up with, but she will come around," I say as I maneuver us up and towards my room "but what if she doesn't?" Jane breaks the silence, "well we will cross that bridge when we come to it, but now we sleep.

When we made it to my room Jane was still leaning on me for support and was completely silent, I could tell she was trying to work out what to say. I lay down with Jane after taking my shoes and socks off. Jane fell asleep quickly, I don't think she has slept in a proper bed for a proper sleep in a long time, but I just lay there thinking. All of a sudden I decide to get up. I ease out of bed and silently go down stairs, I decide to go confront Angela, I slip out the back door and across the paving to the guest house I can see that she is home because the lights are on, I knock on the door "Angela, Angela open this door right now, or I will come in my house, Angela this is my house open the door right now" I yell without being too loud for Jane to wake up I continue to knock but Angela doesn't appear, luckily I had had the foresight to grab the key from inside, so I decided to let myself in, it is my house still.

I go through into the kitchen "Angela, Angela I know you are still awake, I just want to talk" I go into the lounge and I see Angela standing by the window she continues to ignore me as I walk in. "Angela, please" I startle her she mustn't have heard me enter, she spins around from where she is standing a look of disdain on her face, "its your fault, my daughter was a perfectly normal woman before you and now you have gone and turned her into a dyke" I close my eyes as the words impale me "Angela, I didn't change Janes sexuality, I just loved Jane for who she is and she loves me for who I am, I hope you can understand that because, I don't want Jane to hurt because you can't accept her,"

"but the bible and the church, they say its wrong,"

"Angela I don't know much about the church or the bible but I know this is from the bible Je vous donne un commandement nouveau; c'est que vous vous aimiez les uns les autres; que, comme je vous ai aimés, vous vous aimiez aussi les uns les autres. which is John 13:34 do you know what verse that is?" Angela smiled " "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

" I don't know alot about the Church but I do know that the most important thing that the Bible preaches is forgiveness, love, kindness and acceptance, so what is it Angela?" I so hope I have changed her mind. Angela took a deep breathe "So when am I getting grand babies"

"Maaaaaaaa" I hear a familiar groan from behind us, I spin around and see Jane standing there in all her glory, even though it has only been 15 minutes since I last saw her my heart fluttered with joy at seeing my detective again, I run over and pull her into a hug setting my head on her shoulder, Jane lightly kissed my head and we turned back to Angela. "Thank you Ma, I know its hard for you to do something against your faith but you don't know how much this means to me," I pull Jane even tighter, "Well don't you hurt her again ok Janie, she deserves to never be treated like that again,"

"well thats never going to happen again, I was miserable"

"as was I," I agree I feel a solitary tear on my cheek, Angela notices it and quickly comes round and grabs me out of Janes arms and into her own hug, "oi thats my amica your've got there" Angela laughed and I look at Jane "I didn't know you spoke italian Jane" Jane did her trademark Rizzoli smirk,"I do and pretty well but thats for another time soon but another time tesoro" I get a little concerned "what do you mean soon?"

"well if your my official girlfriend then you are coming to the Rizzoli family christmas eve party, thats when you can hear me speak Italian, so you coming?"

"I think I better come" I say faking reluctance "oh thank god, then they can't bug me about being to skinny or not having a man" Jane said excitedly " I laugh and give her a slight kiss on her nose, "come one lets head back inside and actually get some sleep, Angela are you still ok with picking up my Mother tomorrow?"

"of course, 10am right?" Angela is so good with these things, "yes that is correct" I say as Jane pulls us out out, "Night Angela" I say with a smile as we head out the door and inside to my house. "come on, I really want a nice bed to sleep in, I say jokingly as we head up stairs. "I will agree with you on that" and with that we went to bed for the first (well really second) time as a couple.


End file.
